I am a Type A personality. I operate well in traditional classroom settings and enjoy checklists and due dates. Structure is important to me, and I like knowing if I am doing things 'right'.
Honestly, it's a nightmare most of the time. My default setting is "achieve," which means I'm pretty great at setting a schedule and acing exams, but terrible at managing unexpected situations.
Odd that I'd choose a creative field, right?
Well, for me acting is one of the only times in my life when the unexpected doesn't cause me stress. Acting for me is meditative. I don't think about the lines that are supposed to be coming at me. I only think about what is. I am able to live in that moment and respond in that moment and it is a singular experience for me.
Still, I find it hard not to question my audition performances. Worry creeps in. Did I give them what they wanted? Could they see the research I put in? Could they tell that those pauses were intentional?
It isn't insecurity.
I choose every pause, every breath, every nervous twitch with care, and I walk in with an interpretation of a character based on a few pages. Still, I worry that it's 'wrong'.
Then one day a writer/director told me something I tend to live by in all my auditions now. He said something along the lines of: "I'm meeting with you again because I have it narrowed to you and one other girl. Her delivery is honestly what I pictured when I wrote this, but there is something you are bringing that is making it really hard to decide."
The choices I had made, the delivery I had practiced and run with was nothing like what the director had been looking for. In fact, he'd already found that girl, the one who met the picture in his head, but the character I had created appealed to him enough to consider changing his own mental image.
As an actor, I'd never felt more powerful.
I didn't walk away with that role (although I am in the movie), but I walked away with a completely new take on what my job truly is.
I encourage you to own your interpretation. Here's the truth, you might be absolutely wrong. You might not give them what they are looking for in that moment, but your responsibility is to the character you see in the work. That dedication will shine through and opportunities will come.
Be bold and break legs!